This blog was written in response to the article, Loving My Body Almost Killed Me, by Jess Weiner

Dear Jess,

We at The Body Positive congratulate you on your recent improvements to your health. There are points in your article, and in your messages over the years, that can help both women and girls in their pursuit of size acceptance and health. In a world that diminishes a woman's confidence and sense of self in so many ways, women need more support to get back in touch with their innate intuition. Women need to believe they have the tools within them to practice excellent self-care. Women need help to begin the journey of self-love, which means learning to trust themselves again, and to understand the messages their bodies send them.

What we can't get past is the dangerous title of your article, and the mixed messages it contains. Let's be honest. Loving your body did NOT almost kill you. We will agree with your doctor's assessment that your self-neglect caused you to be out of touch with food quality and quantity, and that your lack of movement was not great for your health. However, there is an important distinction between loving your body and an ‘anything goes' attitude. Loving our bodies does not mean indulging our every whim. Real self-love means listening deeply, and being fierce and protective of our physical and mental selves. That means taking care of your pancreas, too! 

The Body Positive message is that loving yourself will motivate you to find health. This health won't be determined by a number on the scale. As your doctor explained, "Jess, you're focusing on the wrong numbers..." Ultimately - and I believe you actually know this - the dieter's mentality (your desire to lose 30 more pounds even when your metabolic fitness is good) is impossible to sustain. Exercising past exhaustion, or always depriving yourself of dessert is not sustainable.

Loving your body means listening on the deepest level possible to what your body needs in order to be healthy in the very best possible sense of the word. It means honoring when you get out of balance, which it sounds like you were, and why your metabolic fitness levels were not so good. Loving your body means forgiving yourself for your lack of self-care and choosing in the moment to change your eating and exercise behaviors to be more life-sustaining.

Jess, being a spokesperson for any cause is challenging, much less a revolutionary one. We hope your journey of loving your body is a life-long pursuit. After all, we do agree, listening to your body's physical and internal needs IS, as you said, "a crucial part of loving yourself completely." Please just remember that health is improved by adopting positive self-care behaviors, even if your weight remains unchanged.

. . .

Diets don't work. Why? Because they are not sustainable. The Body Positive offers Be Body Positive workshops to develop skills to help you on the road to discovering what is your best individual self-care.

Other excellent resources that offer valuable help in deciphering the confusing messages about health and weight include:

• Health At Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight
• Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works
• Association for Size Diversity and Health
• National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance

We wish everyone a compassionate journey towards confident, joyful self-care.

Hello Body Positive Community!!

I am coming off of an amazing weekend at our Be Body Positive workshop at the College of Marin. I am full of energy and have renewed commitment to the work of self-love. There is something amazing that happens during these weekend workshops. By the end of two days, the love in the room seems to burst at the seams! Women and men are reclaiming their beauty, proclaiming their truth, and sharing their wisdom about LOVE!

I wanted to share with you something that came up this weekend: the idea of radical self-love. Radical means, departing markedly from the usual or customary; extreme, excellent, wonderful. You might wonder, “How do I get there? What would radical self-love look like in my life?”

You already possess the tools to unlock the love inside.

Start with what you know:

What do you know about yourself (your relationship with food, your body, relationship to others)?

What experiences have you had that have uplifted your spirit?

What obstacles have you overcome?

What we find is that when we start from what we already know about ourselves, we can follow a progression from what we know to what we like, and then to what we love. It is about giving yourself permission to discover what it is about yourself that you love. It is about opening yourself up to the possibility of loving your body, right now.

Ask yourself:

What would it feel like to love my body?

What would change for me in terms of my relationship to myself and others?

How would my life be different?

Something that I committed to this weekend was that I want the love for myself to swim in the world’s deepest oceans, to climb the highest peaks, to rest on the smiles of children and elders, to hold hands with my brothers and sisters around the globe, to warm my heart and feed my soul. I want my love for my body to rest upon my hips, to sit between my toes like sand on a beach, to cradle my belly and to crown my head. I want it to surround every inch and curve in a warm and enveloping embrace. There is an infinite amount of love in the world! There is enough for us all to have some. There is enough for us to cultivate it and share with others.

The idea that love for your body can transform your life is radical. This is The Body Positive work. We believe that love for your body changes your life because you learn that you are enough, you are beautiful and worthy of living your life now. Loving your body gives you the wisdom to love yourself in every moment.  Start with what you know. Go towards what you desire, and hold a frame that says that in this moment you are beautiful, and you are worthy of love, just as you are right now.

I recently found the book, The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life, and from the opening quote, “Make your choice.  Are you ready to be strong?” (quoting Buffy the Vampire Slayer, one of my favorite TV shows of all time), I thought this is the next book that will reaffirm everything I do, everything that I am, and support me in how I love myself AND my body! Well I was wrong. I guess even the girls who take back the word fat and “accept” their bodies still don’t do enough to love them. What’s the difference between acceptance and love? Acceptance doesn’t prompt any action; it feels like, I’ve accepted that this is the way my life is. It isn’t engaged! Love is about connecting to, appreciating, doting upon, finding affection for, and sitting in awe of something, and more importantly someone. So I say, I’m proud that there are fellow fat girls out there, but if all we’re going to do is accept our bodies, I say I have better things to do. I’m here in this world LOVING every inch of me, and that, to me, is a more Body Positive thing to do.

When I founded The Body Positive, I was motivated by a desire to protect my daughter from the suffering I experienced as a teenager due to my eating disorder. I am grateful that because of this work, Carmen has grown up with a healthy relationship to her body.

In August, Carmen will be attending her first year of college. I’m thrilled to know that Carmen’s experience growing up with The Body Positive will not only keep her from suffering over her body as many college students do, but will also allow her to be a positive role model to her new friends. Did you know that 25 percent of women use harmful measures to reduce their weight, and men’s dissatisfaction with their bodies has spiked in the last decade?

The primary initiative of The Body Positive’s mission is to support these young people by implementing educational programs that transform individual and cultural beliefs about weight, body image, and identity. The result of this work is a growing national movement of healthy, confident individuals contributing to positive change in the world.

Please join us on Sunday, August 1^st as we launch our first Be Body Positive Day.

We are asking you, as our long time supporters and new friends, to join our day of action by doing something that makes you feel great about your body.

Please sign the Be Body Positive petition!

To learn more about The Body Positive and Be Body Positive Day, take a few minutes to watch our Be Body Positive video. We invite you to share your Be Body Positive stories on Facebook and Twitter. If you are inspired by our work, please support the movement by making your donation today.

Thank you for your support! I look forward to keeping in touch.

Warm regards,

Connie Sobczak

Co-Founder, The Body Positive